You feel alone when you’re sick. You’re so stressed about your entire life. Your relationship with your boyfriend, friends, and family suffer. Your relationship with yourself suffers. After 3 years, my boyfriend and I decided that the uncertainty of our relationship wasn’t working anymore. When we broke up, instead of crying, I felt relief.
Now I know he was the last puzzle piece.
I’m sure it happened more slowly than I remember but one day it just slapped me in the face. I was working out and I noticed the kitchen clock read 11:11 A.M. I took a second to grasp the time and I remember thinking it’s that time again? I stood there while I realized for weeks I had been seeing 11:11 A.M., 1:11 P.M., and 11:11 P.M.. Consistently, 3 times a day, everyday. It was way too obvious to be a coincidence, a lot of the days I didn’t even have to look at the clock. I would get a good morning text at 11:11 or an Instagram message at 1:11. Once I started noticing it, it was all I could see. I started pointing it out each time to my sister, not only to prove my point but to show myself I wasn’t crazy. I read about Angel numbers before, saying that if you see these numbers, it’s a sign that you’re on track to where you’re supposed to be in life. So, having a ton of free time during lockdown, I decided to dig a bit deeper. When I looked up the number sequence, I found descriptions that read Angel numbers that include one signify that an energetic gateway has been opened for you. "The thoughts you choose to have will rapidly manifest into your life”. This felt incredibly powerful and so scary because at this point my thoughts were pretty toxic. I took this as a first step.
I started to feel a shift in my life almost immediately. I knew something was happening for me instead of to me this time. It racked my brain for weeks. What was I being told to do? How was I supposed to do anything when the whole world was in lockdown? I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do for a career or what actually sparked joy in me anymore. I started becoming more consistent with daily journaling and meditation. I had been dabbling in it since November but could never stick it out for more than a day or two. I realized how destructive my journaling had been in the past. I used my journal as another way to complain about my life and pitfalls instead of what it’s really best used for, Gratitude. The meditating was a headache as well because it’s incredibly hard to shut your brain off when you’re consistently in fight or flight mode. I felt obliged to start working on myself last year because my sister bought me the book Everything is Figuroutable by Marie Forleo. I loved the book and every time I read a chapter I would get fired up, but now I know the timing wasn’t right for me since it never stuck. I did some exercises in the book but it just seemed tedious. Now more than ever I’m looking forward to reading it again with a whole new mindset.
I started reading the second book that my sister had gifted me in November. Girl, wash your face by Rachel Hollis. This one stuck. Why? At the beginning of this book, she tells her story about how she ran herself dry and caused stress induced Bell’s Palsy. As I read this chapter, I couldn’t help but to feel as though I was reading my own story. My nutritionists, ex-boyfriend, family and friends all expressed how worried they were for me. They could see what working an insane amount of hours, worrying about money, my deteriorating gut health and anxiety kept me from merely surviving. I related to Rachel a lot, from the stress and fear of not being good enough to where you work yourself to an illness is not something everyone experiences. I read the entire book in a few short days. I was eager to know how she cured her Bell’s Palsy, because if she could heal that means I could too…
If you’re not on the spirituality train just yet, don’t stop visiting. You’ll have to have an open mind or it will seem all too woo-woo. Hang tight, I promise you won’t regret it.
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